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Affection/Six
SIX ~ CHEETAHPAW first Shadestar said no and then the rest of the Clan we had to take it slow and prove that really, we can Great... we've failed. That was the thought that ran through my head when I heard those words from Shadestar, when he said that he didn't believe us when we were - in fact - telling the truth. Dread coursed through my body, and I shivered. I'd been so nervous, telling him what I knew... so scared... and it was all for nothing. This is not good. I looked beside me at Ashpaw, who was giving me the exact same look as I was seemingly giving him. "I don't believe you." Shadestar repeated the words again. His yellow-green gaze darted between both of us. "There's... there's just no proof. None of the cats who reported this to me believed you either." Shadestar's words made me realize that all along, we were probably doomed to fail in this task anyway. But that did nothing at all to stop the tidal wave of emotions that was now coursing through my head - sadness, anger, confusion, worry. The one thing that I was happy for what that he'd actually listened - which wasn't much, seeming as we'd just been rejected. However, there was a light to Shadestar's eyes that seemed to differentiate from the whole point of this meeting. They'd changed from an indifferent light, to something a little bit brighter. "However," he mewed, "it's nice to see that you're not arguing for once. I've heard many tales from the rest of the Clan about your arguments!" I wasn't surprised that he'd noticed, and I actually felt happy. But the light quickly changed in the tom's eyes, back to the one that was there before - and setting me back into my gloomy mood. "We've talked, now out. I've got business," Shadestar ordered, as the tom flicked his tail. I dipped my head to Shadestar, muttering a thank-you for the discussion, before rising to my paws and heading out. I waited for Ashpaw: he trailed behind me, looking forlorn. We got out of distance from the den when I head Ashpaw mutter tiredly: "...We're doomed." I nearly agreed with him: but I was sure there was hope. And unlike Ashpaw, I wasn't going to give up - or let Ashpaw give up, for that matter. We were going to do this. Together. ~ ~ Naturally, the news that Shadestar had declined two apprentices' idea that a threat was coming spread around the Clan like wildfire, so by the time the day finished, the whole Clan seemed to know. For once, I was thrown out of the limelight: although I was popular, this incident seemed to have put them off of me. I was not surprised - to get shut down by the leader is a bad thing. Ashpaw didn't seem too bothered that everyone was ignoring him, except his parents and Emberpaw. He was never as high up in social class as me... and for once, I seemed to feel like how he felt every day. It made me... ache for him a little bit for him. Did it hurt to be like that all the time? A tail flicked me, and I turned to see a gray-and-black cat standing by my shoulder. Small and slight, he had strikingly blue eyes that stared into mine. I'd known this cat for a long time - in fact, he was my littermate, although I wasn't that close with him. "...Stormpaw?" I mewed, staring at my brother. I'd never see him, as all too often he'd be out of camp by himself - he preferred his own company. Stormpaw nodded, but he was looking a little jumpy for some reason. His gaze had become slightly clouded. "...I see that you're not the center of attention, Cheetahpaw." He shifted his head towards the group of cats in the middle of the camp - the cats I would usually hang out with - talking and joking. "...Has something happened?" I narrowed my eyes at him. Typical Stormpaw, a little out of sync with everything. ...He seems so distant sometimes... "Basically, Ashpaw and I saw Shadestar about something, and he declined it," I mewed tersely. Stormpaw dropped his gaze. "Oh. That makes sense." He shuffled his paws nervously. "I'll leave you alone then." He then sidled awkwardly into the apprentices' den, leaving me by myself again. I sighed as I watched Stormpaw disappear. He sides with everything, Stormpaw, though he's being a lot more quieter than usual. I narrowed my eyes. He's been like this for a half-moon now. I felt bad about everything. First yesterday, and then this morning: I didn't know what to comprehend of it all. I didn't know what to do... I trailed into the apprentices' den after my brother, deciding that I might as well rest rather than to think on all these troubling thoughts. As I settled into my nest, I closed my eyes and tried to settle into sleep. Everything has to get better... it can't get worse. accepting defeat is the best way to learn how to be bittersweet when you're in the face of no return